Believe in Miracles? I Do.

I don't even know where to start with this one. My background is this. My mother met my "dad" when she was sixteen in California. My dad was a marine, and married to someone else. My mother had me, my dad split. I was half raised by my grandparents, mom's friends, and I'm positive by a massive amount of Guardian Angels since then. I've had a messed up life. It hasn't been easy. I spent all my life linked to a name I knew nothing about. In grade school I would literally fight to defend a dad I never knew but was constantly told I was like. My mom was the other woman. So he had no reason to stick around. Guess I didn't count for much. When I divorced I took my dad's name back. although I wasn't sure why because at that time it was just a name. I'd considered changing it many times, but something kept me from it.  So, there's the run down of the past.

A year ago, I moved into this duplex. let me preface this by saying that even before this I believe in afterlife, spirits, ghosts, demons, angels, etc..I believe because I have experienced it. Everyone who has been in my house has experienced supernatural stuff. Not bad stuff, Just supernatural. I would hear footsteps in front of my bed, in my room while I was sitting in my bed, and see nothing. I would see my bed have an indentation in it like someone sat down but saw no one. I would hear footsteps upstairs, doors opening and closing and such and no one was home but me...and don't think I didn't check. Because my initial thought was that the kids were skipping school and I ran up there to bust them. And no one was there. So one night I was on the phone with my boyfriend sitting up in bed watching TV. And a fully embodied apparition walked from my bathroom door to my bedroom door quickly, and looking agitated..not angry, but worried...and I startled because for one, I could see through him and see the TV behind him, and two, I could see every detail as if he were here except a bit translucent. I could tell you what he was wearing, head to toe. I startled so badly, not because I was afraid, but because that was the last thing I thought I would see in my bedroom as I looked up to see my TV.

The following night, I had a dream. I dreamed the spirit I saw was speaking to me. Not with spoken words, but words nonetheless. He said his name was William, and it really was just Bill, and he deeply apologized for startling me. I didn't see him for awhile. We've all experienced him since we have been here. Never for a moment did I think this was my biological dad. I thought he was still alive. My step dad removed lived close to Escanaba, Michigan, where my bio dad lived. He told me a few years back that he was working for some furniture company and still an alcoholic and I was probably better off not knowing him. However, He did tell me he could get contact info if I wanted. I passed on it. I figured if my bio dad really wanted to know about me, I wasn't hard to find, ask my bill collectors. But yet this huge hole was inside me, where my dad's spot should have been. I realized I was always going to be searching for a male to fill that spot, when no one else could.

Last night out of nowhere, I got the desire to find my dad, not knowing he'd passed away. I tried Facebook but too many William Benson's came up. So I googled his full name, with Escanaba, Mi. and I found an obit listed on a USMC forum. I was instantly crushed. Not only could I not cross that bridge, it was forever gone, with only a wide deep crevasse where it should have been . I wanted to know. I had to know. I needed to know where I came from. I read the survivors. I read about my dad's fiancée..and read the list of children. I started with his fiancee because she had such an unusual name. I knew that would be easy if she was on Facebook, and she was. And then I saw Bill Jr. My brother. And he was on her friends' list. And I saw the rest of them, Casey, Ashley, Rose, Charlie. My aunt Barb. I had heard that name before. I was an aunt. I had nieces and nephews. I couldn't see anyone's full profile because I was not a friend of theirs on Facebook yet. But they were all beautiful.

With trepidation, I contacted Bill Jr First...not knowing how he would receive the news. Did he know of me? Did he hate me because my mother was the other woman? Did he grow up without Dad like I did? Would he look down on me? I had no idea what his response would be, but I had to try. I got a response and even chatted for a bit on Facebook with him. He did know of me, he'd tried to search for me previously unsuccessfully obviously. He didn't meet our father until he was 22. So he was in the same boat as me on that one. But I also found out I had sisters, Three of them, and another brother. I was no longer alone. I sent them messages too. But I don't know how they will take it either.



Stay tuned and I will continue to update you on this adventure as it happens. I have no idea what direction it will take, but it sure feels better than it did before i knew that at least my big brother had room in his life for me, and he cared that I existed.  Here's to hoping that maybe the missing love of a Father, can be made up five times over, by the love of siblings I never knew I had, but already love.

This is my Brother Bill .

He is the first I found and that has responded to me.

Isn't he beautiful?